apathy -in- FAITH!

lately

2010-05-23T22:40:00.002+08:00

Lately, Lord, I really feel like I'm letting You down. Again, and again, and again, I've let You down, even though You've showered me so much blessings lately. A million times. And even right after I've sinned, You still forgive me and continue to bless me. What the heck am I doing then?

God, Your grace is just so amazing. I can't stand it, I can't stand the way I'm abusing Your grace. Lord, may You really destroy me, and let me be a new creation. Why is the sinful nature just so ANNOYING. God, Father, I need You to be here. Though I'm ashamed, You still ask me to look at You and talk to You.

Father, what a useless son I am. And how great and loving You are.

stuffs i've learnt lately.

2010-03-27T23:22:00.002+08:00

a little while ago earlier in service today, I've learnt wad is meant exactly by finding strength in God. It's not simply counting on God for strength to do stuffs, but the fact that you find strength because you know God will be pleased if you do such a thing. For example, to love and care for others even if people don't appreciate it or instead bite back. But you know that you'll be back there, again, because you know God did that for you, and hence you'll be back no matter what.

I also realised God has been trying to speak to me about a certain upcoming incident when I read 2 Samuel 22. My Rock. my God. Thanks, for Your warning, for Your affirmation.

beyond intentions

2010-03-27T01:06:00.002+08:00

Hey God, here I am.Cui.

Sometimes, I'm always getting owned. Because I wanna do more, it backfired on me. Father, I know this is a lesson for me. A lesson that I really need to be taught in because I'd probably never ever think of it this way. Perspectives, intentions, and lastly the course of actions, the stand.

Maybe it's the same as my issue with insensitivity. I need to feel it before I can do anything. Likewise, perhaps, with this issue. Maybe You want me to know, from the carer's side, and from the cared's side. Then maybe I can understand what intentions should become instead. Lord, if that's Your plan for me, I pray that You go ahead with it.

Lord, I know that You're doing this. Because You first loved. I'll show Your love that comes from You as well.

flame

2010-03-04T10:53:00.001+08:00

Refiner's Fire

Purify my heart
Let me be as gold and precious silver
Purify my heart
Let me be as gold, pure gold

Refiner's fire
My heart's one desire
Is to be holy
Set apart for You Lord
I choose to be holy
Set apart for You my Master
Ready to do Your will

fire

2010-03-04T10:49:00.002+08:00

Lately, Lord I know that I'm missing that fire for you. That fire that really wants to make me keep running for you non-stop. I don't know if it's the heavy workload, my own attitude, the stress that keeps coming again and again. I really don't know oh Lord, but all I know that this cannot go on. You're my Saviour, and I'm giving you half-hearted effort. REALLY, NO.

Lord, be that fire in me, and re-light my heart again, to really continue going on for You. For all my weaknesses, I'm only strong when I'm with You, and You with me. God, my Lord, won't you again set me on fire for You? Not a red fire, but a blue flame, the hottest and strongest there is.

I want my life to be a testimony to Your glory.

Who am I - Casting Crowns

2010-02-10T23:26:00.000+08:00

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

-thanks to some koh who told me about this song :D

catching God's Spirit

2010-01-19T23:39:00.002+08:00

woosh I just talked to someone really really seh. And honestly, after what she said, I just thought that WOW. That's what I really want to do right now!

Catching God's Spirit. Well there's a difference between doing something for God out of obligation, responsibility and doing something for God out of love for Him. Honestly, but a few months back, I've difficulty doing things because I love God. This really caused much problems with me, such as being unnatural, can't get motivated etc etc. Eventually, truth be told I can't do much for God. Though I've not really caught God's Spirit yet, I feel like I'm eventually starting to sniff it! xD

What she said was true la! Some people, me included, tend to read the bible with the focus of praying for a verse with themselves. And sometimes these people complain of not being able to hear God during QT, or getting verses that are totally irrelevant to their problems/day. But I think that the focus of this is wrong somewhat, because the Bible is God's Word. From it, much as we can find verses that apply to us on that particular day, the point of it is that from it we can learn of the God who loved us so. We can know so much more about Him, likes, dislikes, character, etc. And only when we know Him more, can we honestly love Him with all our heart, all our soul, all our mind and all our strength. And only then can we see the world through God's eyes and have our hearts broken by the things that break His.And only then can we catch His Spirit, can we honestly do things out of love for God, love for people.

I wanna be passionate for God, regardless of my situation. I wanna do His work enthusiastically anywhere, anywhen, anyone. I wanna catch Your Sipirit, Oh Lord. And I wanna thank You for blessing me in this, I shall use the word troublesome, times. I will definitely continue to trust and grow in You!

giving our best

2010-01-06T14:34:00.000+08:00

Sean here! been sometime since I last posted. Well anyway, during yesterday's LG I very clearly rmb what tze said about Abel and Cain, whereby in Gen 3:3 - 5 it said that God looked upon Abel's offering with favour but not on Cain's, because Abel gave the best of his firstborn flock to God, whereas Cain didn't. Few days back I was just reading in Leveticus about how offerings of animals can't be with defect etc. That got me thinking why is it that God forbid defects to be sacrificed to Him as an offering, and after a little while the answer came to me.

Because if He allowed that, I think that a lot of people would just give all their defected flocks and animals to be sacrificed. In a way,God becomes like secondary, a convenient dumping ground for their defected flocks. THAT would then be sinning, not giving our bvest for God. So when God forbade defected flocks from being sacrificed, He's actually trying to stop us from sinning. I think that was so cool. Wow, He honestly really had our best interest in mind lah.

In the same way, I just thought that in my life, did I give God the most valuable stuffs I have? Did I give Him my 100% or even more, or was it just a half-hearted effort on my part? A lot of time, I realise that I'm not honestly giving Him my 100%, I'm not exactly giving Him my EVERYTHING. More often than not, I feel like I'm compromising a lot on serving God and etc. I think that's something we have to work on la, to always be conscious that we aren't YET giving our 100% for God, and always aim to put in more effort. I honestly honestly believe that there's no such thing as giving too much, or even giving enough to or for God. But I'm gonna work on it so that I can give as much as I can consciously give, and I hope that all of you are trying to too! Probably God is frowning at me cutting corners in doing His work and etc, but hey, at least maybe if I keep trying, He'll frown less! xD

sat's sermon, Nehemiah 5:14-19

2009-11-02T23:50:00.002+08:00

Purpose before privilege,

Others before self,

And seek God's affirmation.

Somehow, I've just suddenly realise that, I think for everyone of us, we're given a certain amount of privileges, abilities, resources, etc. Some more than others, but I feel that the more one get, the harder it is to step away from our original calling, which is to serve God. And these 3 points are so interlinked, I don't know why I have never thought of it before.

With our gifts, that comes with certain benefits, we can enjoy the benefits as a bonus, but ultimately, a bonus is something that can be done without. And this is the attitude which we should have to serve others and remember what is our purpose in being given these gifts. These gifts is then put to use, to put others before ourselves, such that in the end, when we see God, He'll praise us for all we've done to serve others and be like Him.

Should each of us always think of others before ourselves, we'll then naturally have all our needs met. Mutual support, mutual growth, and grow we will!

all-accepting love

2009-11-02T23:50:00.001+08:00

Though this is a point that we all very familiar with, I still really wanna share/remind you guys about it. Since love for God is one of the fundamental in our walk with God, it cannot be more emphasized that God truly loved us, way beyond any human can love another.

Romans 5:7-8
"Very rarely will anyone died for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

You've read it, but do you truly, deeply understand how much God loves us? Not to say anything to anyone, but how many of us will without hesitation willingly sacrifice not ourselves, but our most beloved persons, to save people in the wrong? To be honest, I think I can never do that. To put it in an analogy, it's like when your kids fell into the ocean, and you can only save either your son or the terrorist that bombed the ship. Yet God made the choice, and he sacrificed His son to save us, a bunch of sinners. Can anyone in this world, ever make such a decision? I definitely can't.

Now you're reminded, our lives and chances are bought. It isn't free thus it's only right that we do our part to thank the One who sent His son, and Jesus, for giving his life. We can do this by living righteous lives and seeking God with all our heart.

I'm sharing this because I've realised that I've sinned a whole lot in my life and today as well, so much that I'm also quite sickened with myself, much less other people. But God doesn't shun me because I'm a sickening piece of crap. He doesn't love me less because I don't fulfil his expecations. And not just me, but also people who may be in a worse situation than myself. And when I think of how He has always loved each and everyone of us all, and there's no way I can truly be like Him in this aspect, that's when I realise how great and wonderful He is, and aim to be like Him.

stay true, stay on track

2009-11-01T00:08:00.001+08:00

Had a wonderful teaching today! Really impacted me great. I'm gonna stay true to You, Lord. To You and Your purpose alone. That's my core.

I'm messed up. Bad. Fix those pieces of my heart, O Lord, and make it in Your image.

Let's build our house together.

promos, the middle

2009-09-25T23:19:00.002+08:00

Had 3 papers for Promos already. My mind and body feel wasted completely. Lord, I can't wait to be rejunevated in Your presence tomorrow at service. The papers haven't been all that wonderful, and You know, I'm worried about Jateka, Believer and my mom.

I really wanna be a salt and light, to glorify Your name and tell people that You are so good. Hey, about JW, I really pray that she'll be fine, that she won't be so pressured by her God-given abilities. She'll perform, and when she doesn't, then it's all in Your plan for us.

And Lord, my shepherd wanted me to think of areas of improvement, to have a aim and vision of myself further down the read. I really wanna learn to love God's people, and that's what I said. "Care," God once told me. I'm gonna put my all, to have the heart of burden and to be able to understand when my friends feel burdened.

Lord, I'll be a clean vessel for Your work to be done through me.

the normal state

2009-09-25T23:02:00.002+08:00

Yesterday's cg was really mind-blowing. It's about our state of mind, the state of mind which will allow us to hear from God. Usually, we tend to be in an ABnormal state of mind, be in the exams, in our daily lives, all the time! Our heads tend to be filled with worry, fear, anxiety, nervousness, stupid thoughts.

My head is filled with crap, and thus I realise that recently, my relationship with God is getting affected. Lord, I wanna hear from You again. I wanna listen to Your words again and again and gain Your vision for my cg. Lord, I know I've failed You a million times, and even more than that, yet Your love accepts all my faults, Your grace transcends all my sins.

What more do I ask for, but to jump at You with love and faith.

will

2009-09-20T23:27:00.002+08:00

Lately, there's been a lot of things I haven't exactly been enthusiastic about, and can't help but keep ranting and complaining. I know it's wrong, so I'm cutting down on it. Still, I can't really settle it within myself. Yet Lord, I shall do as You want me to. There's a lot of things in my life I really don't want to change, yet You want me to. But You know what's best for me and, at the end of it I'm Yours.

So I'll do Your work, let Your will be done. I'll follow You, out of my own free will. I will fight the good fight, I will finish the race, I will keep the faith.

No matter what, through it all, because You'll make it fine for me.

gentleness

2009-09-20T23:15:00.002+08:00

Scarlet Hands - Hillsong

When brokeness and mercy meets
How gently shall redemption speak
For love like ocean, waves did break
Upon the shores of sin and shame

To you my heart will sing, oh God
For all ones lover keeps this song
In spirit and in integrity
To join the song that heavens sing

Scarlet hands that bled for me
Servant king my everything
I kneel before You once again
Surrendered now to scarlet hands

When sorrow tries my hope to kill
To worship I have risen still
For light will pierce the darkest night
And peace shall be my lullaby

Scarlet hands that bled for me
Servant king my everything
I kneel before you once again
Surrendered now to scarlet hands

The time will fade to [I really can't figure it out nor find it anywhere online]
And in you forever shall I walk
In glory shadow ever free
Redeemer and redeemed to me

troubles

2009-09-15T17:34:00.002+08:00

For all those with troubles, including me. I've got loads, and probably everybody else too. Here's a tip! Don't be afraid of them.

Pray about it, but there's no need to tell God how big is it. Rather, as children of light, tell your problems how big God is!

He'll see it through with us and for us, and thus there's no need to fear, no need to hesitate. God our Saviour, Emmanuel, we hold Your promises dear, so.

p.s. Can't wait for 14th - 16th Dec!

peace

2009-09-15T17:28:00.003+08:00

Been a really long while since I posted. Started to get lazy, I suppose. The walk has been getting better, though I tend to flop every now and then, but generally, I realise stuffs have been happening. Stuffs that are really challenging and really cool too! Lord, I want to do more of Your work!

And hey, I'm really hearing so much more from You now. And I've realised so many things more about You, how You've been waiting for me and always there with me ever since such a long long time ago. There's nothing more I really want then to please You and serve You. I wanna be a child of light, to have that peace that comes only from You.

Dear God, dear Lord, let this one remain faithful and fearless, all in Your name.

to love You

2009-08-24T23:38:00.002+08:00

For everything You've done for me, and for the fact that You're simply perfect,

I surrender my all to my Saviour, to my one and only God.

With no bounds and ends, I'll do You work and Your will.

And Lord, I simply love You so.

powerful stuffs quoted from lady uninterrupted

2009-08-18T22:37:00.002+08:00

One day, I woke early in the morning to watch the sunrise.

Ah the beauty of God's creation is beyond description.

As I watched, I praised God for His beautiful work.

As I sat there, I felt the Lord's presence with me!

He asked me, "Do you love me?"

I answered, "Of course, God! You are my Lord and Saviour!"

Then He asked, "If you were physically handicapped, would you still love me?"

I was perplexed, I looked down upon my arms, legs and the rest of my body and wondered how many things I wouldn't be able to do, the things that I took for granted.

And I answered, "It would be tough Lord, but I would still love You."

The Lord asked, "If you were blind, would you still love my creation?"

How could I love something without being able to see it?

Then I thought of all the blind people in the world and how many of them still loved God and His creation.

So I answered, "It's hard to think of it, but I would still love you."

The Lord then asked me, "If you were deaf, would you still listen to my word?"

How could I listen to anything being deaf? Then I understood.

Listening to God's Word is not merely using our ears, but our hearts.

I answered, "It would be tough, but I would still listen to Your word."

The Lord then asked, "If you were mute, would u still praise My Name?"

How could I praise without a voice? Then I realised that God wants us to sing from our heart and soul.

It never matters what we sound like. And praising God is not always with a song but when we were persecuted, we give God praise with our words of thanks.

So I answered, "Though I could not physically sing, I would still praise Your Name."

And the Lord asked, "Do you really love Me?"

With courage and a strong conviction, I answered boldly, "Yes Lord! I love You because You are the one and true God!" I thought I had answered well, but.....

God asked, "THEN WHY DO YOU SIN?"

I answered, "Because I am only human, I am not perfect." (the kind of excuse one would give)

"THEN WHY IN TIMES OF PEACE, DO YOU STRAY THE FURTHEST?

WHY ONLY IN TIMES OF TROUBLE DO YOU PRAY THE EARNEST?"

No answers, Only tears.

The Lord continued:

"Why only sing at fellowship and retreats?

Why seek Me only in times of worship?

Why ask things so selfishly?

Why ask things so unfaithfully?"

The tears continued to roll down my cheeks.

"Why are you ashamed of me?

Why are you not spreading the good news?

Why in times of persecution, you cry to others when I offer My shoulder to cry on?

Why make excuses when I given you opportunities to serve in My Name?"

I tried to answer, but there was no answer to give.

"You are blessed with life. I made you not to throw this gift away.

I have blessed you with talents to serve Me, but you continue to turn away.

I have revealed My Word to you, but you do not gain in knowledge.

I have spoken to you but your ears were closed.

I have shown My blessings to you, but your eyes were turned away.

I have heard your prayers and I have answered them all."

"DO U TRULY LOVE ME?"

I could not answer. How could I? I was embarrassed beyond belief.

I had no excuse. What could I say to this?

When my heart had cried out and the tears had flowed, I said,

"Please forgive me Lord. I am unworthy to be Your child."

The Lord answered, "That is My Grace, My Child."

I asked, "Then why do you continue to forgive me? Why do you love me so?"

The Lord answered.

"Because you are My Creation. You are my Child. I will never abandon you.

When you cry, I will have compassion and cry with you.

When you shout with joy, I will laugh with you.

When you are down, I will encourage you.

When you fall, I will raise you up.

When you are tired, I will carry you.

I will be with you till the end of days and I will love you forever."

Never had I cried so hard before. How could I have been so cold?

How could I have hurt God as I had done?

I asked God, "How much do You love me?"

The Lord stretched out His arms and I saw His nail-pierced hands. (He died for you my friends)

I bowed down at the feet of Christ, my Saviour.

And for the first time, I truly prayed.

-end of sharing-

What do you feel?

dangerous prayers

2009-08-15T23:39:00.002+08:00

Dear God, today I have a powerful sermon. The pastor told us, if we are ready, to make a dangerous prayer. Which means that this is a prayer that's really going to make our Christian life and walk with You so much more. A one word prayer, "MORE".

More of You, Lord and more of Your words. I really want to know more about You Lord. And as You once promised, that as we come closer to You, You'll draw nearer to us too. And Lord, I really want that to happen, and with an expectant heart I long for You.

Bla and I'm feeling a little discouraged right now. But Lord, I think you've faced so much discouragement, so much more than me. So I'll hang on, and really keep praying that it'll work out. I won't stop working on people.

SO Lord, my source of hope and strength and encouragement. To be more like You, to love Your people. And that'll keep me going.

let's live today with God!

2009-08-10T12:22:00.003+08:00

Today is one of the most relaxed day I've felt in a long time. Quite on time with most of my assignments but one. Yea and I've feel a sense of peace and security today! And I'm really glad that I've got yesterday as well.

Super cool. Oh gosh. And I pray that a breakthrough will occur. In me and that problem. And Lord, I won't say die about it, cuz of You're with me.
Matthew 28:20 - "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

And I'm not, and not gonna, worry nor be worried. I commit these all into your hands, Lord.

and all my life, where it comes and where it goes, its all about You

2009-08-10T00:25:00.003+08:00

Life - Hillsong

Jesus my endless love, You are so beautiful
For Your love has saved me
With all I am, I will honor you
You gave it all for me now I'm yours
So I'm here to say that

I'm living my life for the one above the heavens
The one whose Son was crucified for me
I'm living my Life for the Son that bleed to save us
I want the world to see this love in me

Jesus strengh of my heart, Your love is so beautiful
Your passion is my saving
Your gentleness, You have healed my heart
And captured me with your love
Now I'm Yours
So I'm here to say that

I'm living my life for the one above the heavens
The one whose Son was crucified for me
I'm living my Life for the Son that bleed to save us
I want the world to see this love in me

and that's that.

2009-08-04T22:10:00.002+08:00

Today was quite fun studying at the Youth Hub. It's a cool place, shall go there again one of these days. And been a long long time since I've spammed food without worrying about its cost xD

And here's a song,
None But Jesus - Hillsong United

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored

When You call I won’t refuse
Each new day again I’ll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion
I know You’re Sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will

When You call I won’t delay
This my song through all my days

All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord Forevermore

STUCK

2009-08-01T22:59:00.000+08:00

grah I'm really stuck on something.

I don't wanna be a hypocrite, but I don't know how not to be one or why am I one exactly, honestly.

deal with it

2009-07-30T22:25:00.001+08:00

These days, I'm quite tired out about some stuffs. Workpiles basically, and my stupid idiotic thoughts and dreams. For I don't know what reasons, I always end up with weird dreams at least once in a few days.

And also, things haven't been working out. Gets easily stressed out when things just don't go the right way, or when people just cancel off last minute things. I mean, everyone does that, so I should probably learn to be okay with it. I sometimes do that too and that's just how we imperfect people are like. Tend to not keep our word and agreements.

And there's that other thing, I suppose whatever happens, I'll find a way to take it down, to weather that period, no matter what happens with God. With my Saviour, with my dear Lord. Sometimes I get broken, and only Your power can revive me and mend me. Anyone else just isn't strong enough.

-Come what may, I'll be faithful and fearless, all in Your name.
As much as it hurts.

a worship song

2009-07-30T22:11:00.000+08:00

To The Ends Of The Earth - Hillsong

Love unfailing
Overtaking my heart
You take me in
Finding peace again
Fear is lost in all you are

And I would give the world to tell you're story
'Cause I know that you've called me
I know that you've called me
I've lost myself for good within your promise
And I won't hide it
I won't hide it

Jesus, I believe in You
And I would go, to the ends of the earth
To the ends of the earth
For you alone are the son of God
And all the world will see
That You are God
You are God

Saving Grace

2009-07-25T23:31:00.001+08:00

Saving Grace - Hillsong United

Night and day I seek Your face
Long for You in the secret place
All I want in this life
Is to truly know you more...

As the waters cover the sea,
So Your love covers me
Guiding me on,
Roads unknown
I trust in You alone

My Saving Grace
My endless love
Deeper and deeper I'm falling in love with You
My one desire
My only truth
Deeper and deeper I'm falling in love with you

As the waters cover the sea,
So Your love covers me
Guiding me on,
Roads unknown
I trust in You alone

My Saving Grace
My endless love
Deeper and deeper I'm falling in love with You
My one desire
My only truth
Deeper and deeper I'm falling in love with you

And I will rise on wings of eagles
Soaring high above all my fears
I rest in Your open arms of love

My Saving Grace
My endless love
Deeper and deeper I'm falling in love with You
My one desire
My only truth
Deeper and deeper I'm falling in love with you

thank the Lord

2009-07-25T23:07:00.002+08:00

dear Lord, I wanna thank You today, for I think You used me to make a difference in the life of another of Your beloved child. When I see this child of Yours close her eyes and pray to You, after I think a very long time of not talking to You (assumption) that feeling is simply joy. I'm really glad for her, that she is re-aligning herself with You.

Lord, You are good, You are God. And I thank God that that You're my God, our God. Although I'm really stressed these few days, I'll overcome it with You.

tomorrow

2009-07-25T00:46:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow, Lord, let Your work be done in me.

I want to make a difference.

oh dear

2009-07-22T18:14:00.002+08:00

oh gosh. I'm going a little nuts. About this and that, studies, CCA and much. Getting really tired! It's evident today, ran a bit and I was panting. Really feel like sleeping but... Math Re-Test on Friday, kinda worried as well. Felt like I'm getting a burnout, as Donald's friend said.

But still, no matter. I've gotta stay strong for You, to Shine with Your power. And I know You'll help me through it all.

Isaiah 41:10
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

jumping into Your arms

2009-07-18T23:43:00.002+08:00

dear Lord, I want to tell you Lord, that You are really my Saviour. I was actually feeling rather tired and low today, but it was in Your church that I felt refreshed. There was a sense of completeness and peace within right after, which really made me forget about my horrible mood in the morning.

Today I talked to my shepherd about the Fruits of the Spirit, Galatians 5:22. Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control. And I told him that I want to grow in Self-Control, to not let my emotions get the better of me. It'll be hard, but I'll persevere. All for the sake of my Saviour. Jesus, my salvation.

How I long to jump into Your arms, with faith and love.

whining

2009-07-18T23:13:00.002+08:00

dear Lord, this few days have been rather tough. Events, emotions, etc with big impacts. I'm quite tired for some reason, quite sick of getting a lot of other people's responsibility to take. Lies in the form of excuses, distraction of a million sorts. Well I'm definitely not taking all this willingly. I mean, who likes doing extra work right? But I'll take it JOYFULLY, because God must have planned something for me, for me to do His work.

Jesus didn't want to die either. Matthew 26:39, "... My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me, Yet not as I will, but as you will." Similarly, I too wished that I need not receive all the things I did not like. But Jesus, although he didn't want to, still died in the end to fulfill the Scripture. Matthew 26:42, "... My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken way unless I drink it, may your will be done." So I too, will stop whining and just go through anything that God wants me to go through.

picking up the pieces

2009-07-15T22:39:00.003+08:00

Got all of my CT results back. Not so great, not even acceptable I felt. Well this is something one of the teachers said to the whole level when we get back one of our papers. "Your results are the summation of all your efforts." which I felt was really true after I thought about it. I wasn't paying much attention to my studies before the holidays. And only in the last ten days of CTs that I really tried to absorb as much as possible, which was of course not effective.

I've got to get much better grades to convince my family about it, about God. Thus I'm really going to work hard all for His sake. I think it's going to be really difficult, considering the amount of work I'm lagging behind with? But hey, I really want to thank God for putting this person in my life who is so much better at Maths than me and is okay with being my peer tutor. I'll really make the effort to pull up my marks much higher. I'll make Him my motivation.

John 15:5
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

And that's how real You are to me.

giving

2009-07-12T21:47:00.003+08:00

Proverbs 11:25

"A generous man will prosper, he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed."

One verse I really like. Everyone of us helps people or are helped by someone everyday of our life (unless that person is in social recluse). Sometimes, I tend to not help people for the fact that it's inconvenient, troublesome, tiring, many many reasons in the dictionary. Yet, Jesus never complained how tiring it was for him to rid people of diseases and demons, grant the blind sight, let the lame walk and so much more. He didn't receive much in return, usually nothing at all but a gesture of thanks, which is enough for Him. And I felt irritated to have to get out of my room to open the door for my family members, and sometimes even more so when my efforts were ignored.

Lord, I pray that I could be like you, and I will try my hardest to serve people as You did. I won't be tired, because for every one I gave my all for, I'll receive something in return too. Which is to big more like You.

count on You

2009-07-11T22:55:00.001+08:00

HBL! And I've got an event tomorrow. Don't think I'll be able to really finish everything. So I'll count on You God.

I pray for the endurance that'll last me.

still here I am

2009-07-10T12:49:00.002+08:00

Yesterday had a quite powerful lesson. Yea, I realised that even then till yesterday, I still couldn't let go of something. Something that's really coming between me and God. And so I'm really gonna do something about it. I will let THAT go, a more-than-4-years-long something. It's gonna be really tough, as this something is the world to me. But God, my universe, my everything, will be there for me, and I'll definitely be able to let it go with His help. I'll stop pacing to and fro.

So Lord speak to me, I pray.

for the weary and burdened

2009-07-08T23:44:00.002+08:00

Matthew 11:28-30

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest..."

Barely half an hour ago, I was feeling quite stressed with much stuffs. Fear, insecure of my new role in YEC and of losing my faith about something that doesn't seem to bright. Feel kinda, alone and such. Felt kinda cramped, weary and tired. But this passage is probably God's reminder that He is always there for me, that He cares and that I can always find solace in Him. I felt assured and kinda secured right now. He's watching me over me and know what I need.

Always my pillar of support. That's my God, the one and only.

expected expectations?

2009-07-08T22:54:00.005+08:00

I think it's really unfair how some people are expected to meet some kinda expectations for something they didn't ask for. Like, other people tend to think that someone should "at least do this for me" that kind of notion, it's quite crap actually. Of course, nothing's wrong with it when the expectation can be fulfilled really often without fail. But what if it's not met? Do people actually expect anyone to meet every single expectation others made of them? Well, I can't do that too, nor do I expect anyone to do it.

Then why am I being unfair to you? Why am I expecting so much out of you. Bla and for that I'm super sorry, I won't set any expectations of you anymore, then whatever you do will exceed expectations already! So I'll treasure you more. Let's be good friends in and out, holding no expectations of each other.

p.s. I hope that's what you want out of our friendship. And I sincerely mean my apology. It's a real nasty habit, I know ><

nostalgy (edited)

2009-07-06T23:58:00.004+08:00

Actually felt like posting another song lyrics, but that'll be too long. The other song's title is "Where'd you go" by Fort Minor.

oneway's stuck. Idk why am I suddenly thinking about this, but it's quite annoying. Nostalgy makes me go GRR-rah! I don't know what about you makes me addicted to, and what about you shakes my faith about you, but if you ask me, "what would Jesus do?", He'll definitely keep that faith about you. And so me too, will stop shaking my faith about you.

And anyway, someone I asked whether others have this problem too said "haha sure got one lah." So I'm concerned, maybe worried, probably screwed. But yea I shall compartmentalize,

And fill it up with faith in you and my most faithful God!

- why'd you think that way. gosh!

my exact feeling right now

2009-07-06T23:52:00.003+08:00

Addicted - Simple Plan

I heard you're doin' okay
But I want you to know
I'm addic-
I'm addicted to you

I can't pretend I don't care
When you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?
I try to make you happy
But you left anyway

I'm tryin' to forget
But I'm addicted to you
But I wanted
And I needed
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never
Want to do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker

Since the day I met you
And after all we've been through
Still addic-
I'm addicted to you
I think you know that it's true

I'd run a thousand miles to get to you
Do you think I deserve this
I tried to make you happy
I did all that I could
Just to treat you good in every way

I'm tryin' to forget
But I'm addicted to you
But I wanted
And I needed
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never
Want to do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker

How long will I be waiting
Till the end of time
I don't know why I'm still waiting
I can't make you mine

I'm trying to forget
But I'm addicted to you
But I wanted
And I needed
I'm addicted to you

I'm trying to forget
But I'm addicted to you
But I wanted
And I needed
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never
Want to do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker

I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker

sparks

2009-07-06T18:59:00.001+08:00

Gotta start working on the areas I wanna shine in. A little effort each day goes a long way. The spark to create the light. MUG GUITAR!

God-colour: faith

2009-07-06T00:48:00.002+08:00

Ever since I started my walk with God, and till now, there's one thing I really learnt the meaning to, and that is faith. Definition of "faith" is simply 3 words, belief without proof. (the proof here refers to like evidence on paper or artifacts or the sort)

For me, my faith first comes from God. I don't need proof to know that He exist. I just do, and I can verify it in my own way too. Similarly, this faith was so strong, that it led me to harbour hope for other situations too. Situations I know, would just fade if I don't even believe that it'll turn out fine.

I feel that faith is the most important thing in the world. The assumptions and confidence that comes along with faith is totally irreplaceable by anything. I think with faith, I finally see my life as complete and not lacking. I'm thankful to God that I found Him and by doing so it. So I'm just going to continue,

Led by faith in God to have faith in everything else.

Grace

2009-07-04T01:46:00.002+08:00

Oh today, oneway finally found the reason for the sudden apperance of many Grace in his life. There's at first just Grace Fong, but this year there is also Grace Chen, Grace Tan, and Grace Chan real recently.

Answer:
Cuz I always forget to, it's God's way of telling me to before eating, say GRACE!

mugs

2009-07-02T15:04:00.002+08:00

ah been looking for and at pilates for the past 2 hours plus and didn't really come to anything. Time to start mug, there's CHEM tomorrow.

I'm gonna get a B at least. Gonna be UNSTOPPABLE!

The Greater Power

2009-07-02T12:45:00.002+08:00

2 Chronicles 32:1-8, 16-22

During one of the QT, the lesson was about how God helped us through our toughest times just like that. OF course, we did prepare and stuffs, but ultimately it was due to God's strength that it was overcame.

Well now is the exam period. Unlike Hezekiah, I didn't really prepare sufficiently, but I think I'll be alright as long as I do study as much as I can at the moment. As long as I don't lose faith and give up studying, should be alright luh.

And the other thing is that I learnt that God is the wisest, so He'll know what's best to do. So I'll consult Him about it, especially crossroads. The one I'm in right now =/

can't wait

2009-06-30T21:06:00.005+08:00

Desperate People - Hillsong United

You cross the great divide, You took our place
You offered up Your life, for we have failed
The veil was torn and love remained
You are holy Lord

Distraction costs us, how we seek Your face
We offer up our lives to bring You praise
A love the walls cannot contain
You are holy Lord

We're rising up in spirit and in truth
A living sacrifice we worship You
People undivided Lord hear us sing
We are Yours and You are our King

This is our love
Hearts joined as one
Desperate for all You are
Lord break down these walls
And see how we love
Desperate for all You are
We chase Your heart

We didn't come to leave here entertained
Or worship under any other name
We're crying out for You alone
You are holy Lord

We're rising up in spirit and in truth
A living sacrifice we worship You
People undivided Lord hear us sing
We are Yours and You are our king

This is our love
Hearts joined as one
Desperate for all You are
Lord break down these walls
And see how we love
Desperate for all You are
We chase Your heart

Show us the way to Your heart

We found our voice
We found our cause
We're on our knees, the carpet's worn
We join our hearts
With distant shores sing to You Lord

This is our love
Hearts joined as one
Desperate for all You are
Lord break down these walls
And see how we love
Desperate for all You are
This is our love
Hearts joined as one
Desperate for all You are
Lord break down these walls
And see how we love
Desperate for all You are
We chase your heart
We chase your heart

- Can't wait to start to skate.

ELEVEN PM TONIGHT

2009-06-30T21:00:00.002+08:00

Tomorrows a very big day. MATHS COMMON TEST day. I don't like Math. Quite some stuffs to remember, so shall wake really early tomorrow... Econs paper was quite alright, though I didn't finish. Heh I've frequently start Math papers with a heavy/stony brain that can't think straight! Shall sleep real early tonight, for once in the past month or so, at ELEVEN. Shall not panic.

Oh God I pray that the Math tomorrow isn't really painful. I feel like the next song.

God of all time!

2009-06-30T00:07:00.002+08:00

Although oneway does QT every night, I felt that I don't think of God very much in the day. Like suddenly everything kinda gets busier, more hectic and I sorta made decisions on my own. Maybe because it's faster, more convenient? For some very unimportant reasons, I know. I don't want THAT. I want to always be asking and conscious of God as my priority, instead of letting Him come to the top of my list only at night when I do think of Him. I want to be reminded of God and all time time and every time.

I wanna pray that I always remember Him during the daytime as well, and I shall start by saying grace for anything I eat wherever I am.

xiah

2009-06-28T01:05:00.002+08:00

owe a few million, tell me how do I pay it back.

helped and helping

2009-06-28T00:49:00.004+08:00

2 Chronicles 19:4-11

Hm oneway has always always wished to be a pillar of support for all those around me. Last year, I was way too obsessed over a certain issue which made me neglect my surroundings, including some of my friends. This year, I'll make sure that changes.

But, there's something I had to achieve first, which I learnt in today's QT that I don't think I've accomplished yet.

1) Practise what you preach.
I'm really not qualified to tell my friends, "Stop slacking!" Gotta change that.

2) Don't say what you think, rather go find it out exactly, what God says.
I need to know more about the Word of God.

3) Avoid the temptation to close one eye to wrong doing.
I've fallen for the temptation many times, and fall short of God's ways.

4) Be fair and don't judge by appearances.
Okay okay at the moment...

5) Be honest.
I think although I do not lie directly, I tend to make stuffs lean towards one side of the argument. Which is simply un-Godly. Big fat liars are big fat sinners.

6) Be brave.
I'm not a very courageous person yet. Advising people what to do, I'm honestly terrified some of the times. Still, God would've done the same if He was in my shoes, so will oneway.

reAFFIRMED

2009-06-27T01:13:00.002+08:00

2 Chronicles 18:1-22

Heh although today I was quite shaken as to what to do about the matter that is bugging me, I was affirmed by what I thought God would do if He was in my shoes now, and my friend talked to me a lil about it too. But I was reaffirmed by today's QT on Life's Crossroads. I've got to do what is Godly, not what I want( though it's best if it's what I want too, like in this case), not what the majority thinks.

Oh it's just so amazing, this lesson is what I really need to reaffirm my choice. God is just so amazing that He gave me what I really needed at the time I really needed it the most, and that's why He is the only one for me!

p.s. I wanna be Micaiah.

refreshed

2009-06-27T00:20:00.002+08:00

oneway went to mug today, but ended up sleeping most of it. Didn't study much :P Heh but felt really so much better than today morning! Thanks to Donald and YEC and of cuz undisputedly God! xD

p.s. YEC ROCKS!

From The Inside Out - Hillsong United

2009-06-26T12:20:00.005+08:00

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
My heart and my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

[Chorus 2x]
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out

shucked.

2009-06-26T12:08:00.002+08:00

Yesterday's been quite a bad day. Things just didn't turn out very well, and I just found out about something I rather not. Seriously not. It's messing up my concentration and stuffs, but I know I've still have to study for CTs. And I don't know that to do about that matter now.

To really concentrate, I don't want to do anything about the matter now. Shall just do what I have on hand. Gonna listen to this song, my motivation. Love the chorus.

p.s. Lyrics in the next post!

God as my study partner

2009-06-25T02:45:00.003+08:00

oneway used to hate studying for tests, schoolwork, grades. Just dislike them really bad. The minuscule motivation I get from studying is the underlying desperation that, if I do not study, I won't get a good job and be able to live a good life. Still, that's a long time away and I derive such little... satisfaction thinking about that.

BUT, after camp and stuffs, when I decided to start mugging again, I began to start to forget about the good job, good life. Instead, the great God sorta became my motivation afterward. I'm really trying to OUTREACH! to more people, and I realised after a while that one thing I really must excel in is my grades and studies. Even if I have a lot of social life and such outside of school, in the eyes of my peers, my below average grades would just prove that I did not have my priorities right. Only by having my job as a student done well, which is achieving good grades, can I show the world that I am in control of my own life.

And only by that can I begin to OUTREACH! and influence, and let more people know of God's greatness and magnificence. And with that, I became kinda okay with studying. Oh God, here and now I want to declare that I'm studying for Your sake, all to glorify You! And so I'm going to really MUG! :F

for Granted?

2009-06-25T02:30:00.004+08:00

2 Chronicles 15:1-9

"Have you been taking God for granted?"

When I saw this question, I can't help but really reflect on my whole spiritual life thus far. A short 3 months or so. Well, most of the 3 months are like, so stagnant. Only the week before camp and after did oneway TRULY had a growing spiritual life. I felt that occasionally, I tend to cheat the system by keep sinning the same things and asking for forgiveness. Ugh, hate myself. I really really really want to do something about that!

One thing I learnt from today's QT is that, God is not a problem-solving tool. He can, of course, without doubt! He is God, and precisely because God is God, and He loves us so, we cannot throw ALL our problems to Him, do nothing and expect things to be resolved by God automatically.

God loves us, and because of that, I feel that He would not want us to just wait to be spoon fed by Him. He wants us to do our part as His servant, humans, and leave the Godly parts to Him, our GOD! That's why when we face problems, we should try to solve/resolve it as we know how to, and God will naturally make the problem evaporate. Verse 7: "But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded."

Unless of course we're totally stuck as to what's the first step, then there's nothing we can do, but ask God how should we start.

Decisions

2009-06-24T00:37:00.002+08:00

It's really late, so to sum up what oneway learnt in QT today:

When stuck on a decision, choice A or B, there's only one thing to do. ASK God. He knows best after all! And He once helped me decide a crossroad in my life, and I think that choice was the only right one. The Godly one.

-Don't conform to peer pressure!

everyday efforts

2009-06-23T19:16:00.004+08:00

"It's true that our everyday efforts are what allows us to make progress, but the opposite is true as well. Our everyday efforts also define our weakness."

Hm I just saw this sentence from Onemanga, and it seems super complicated at first. But on 2nd thought, it's actually true. Through our everyday efforts, we do grow, in terms of many things. Mentally, personality, spiritually, studies, sports, other interests, they tend to get better as we continue to do them everyday. Yet, the reverse is also true, which is that basically we continue to do such stuffs everyday because we also know that we're not good at that particular area. Thus, we strive to become better at it.

The other half of the quote to make the above complete and not nonsensical is actually this: "Make sure we work keeping in mind the things that we lack and need."

p.s. I think.

That's how we'll get ourselves to grow to everyday efforts! And so I'm going to continue with all the spiritual habits EVERY day, so that I can grow more in God and know more about Him!

let God take control

2009-06-23T00:43:00.003+08:00

Before I met God, oneway was an absolute control freak. Got into trouble for that too actually. But now I'm so much less of a control-freak already, and is all cuz of God! Still, God, I tend to take things into my own account. I know it's not right, I know that I've placed my faith in you and I shouldn't let myself take over, but You, to really do the right things. And God, I've made the big mistake of "squeezing You into my plans". So hereby I ask of you God, use me according to Your plans, however You want to.

I'm but one person. So let God take His own course, and I'll follow Him.

to Donald

2009-06-23T00:00:00.003+08:00

ehh sorry luh! my phone didn't tell me! >< okay I shall remember June 22's from now on aye. shall cele one for you, dun demote me T_T

p.s. let's learn skateboarding :D

favourite praise song!

2009-06-22T23:47:00.003+08:00

Saved the Day - Planetshakers!

We're living for a God who saved us
A destiny, a hope that's found in truth

You walked before my fears and failures
My heart cries out, this life I give to You
This life I live for You

All my praise goes to the One
Who made a way, who saved the day

My God He made a way
My God He saved the day
Forever we will shout Your praise

This world will fade away
But Your word remains forever
Jesus we will shout Your praise

We shout Your praise
God of all ages
My life is found in You

FIRST POST!

2009-06-10T00:46:00.003+08:00

FIRST POST of this blog! Haha and oneway's asking around what everyone wants to be called in this blog, and someone suggested being called art club no.1, art club no.2, and art club no.3. Therefore this person shall be called art club no.1(tentatively). BUT that's super funny, something only art clubbers can think of. No wonder this person is called art club no. ONE.

Yo houston! HAHA you nearly got yourself called art club no.2! LOL.

Okay today was actually quite a slack day. Went to MPCC to get a SingPass, and picked up some brochures along the way. Didn't see any skateboarding though arrr. Then got one painful heck of a dose of Histo-Freezer. Ouch. Ate at Old Hong Kong with Dad, and went off to mug! Half a chapter of Chem. Cialat. And I dozed off on the way home... ugh! I don't like waking up to rush down a double-decker buss. Nearly bang into the stairs blah.

Okay thats the first post! Yo art club no.1, hope your headache's better ya, takecares~! houston go mug heh.